why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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