Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
