so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
