That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
