So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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