yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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