I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
