dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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