whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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