He disabled his match.com account in front of me
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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