So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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