saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
