what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
