Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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