Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
This is classic penis vs brain.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
