I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
