i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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