There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
