Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
