I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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