I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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