i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
