ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
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So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
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you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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