Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
