Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
