he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
