My hand turned me down
Michael Bay diarrhea
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
