I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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