she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
that is very illegal...i love you.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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