weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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