Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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