i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
