i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize