Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
