you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
BRING THE BAGELS
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
