Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
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I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
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I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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