Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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