I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
