It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
