Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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