he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
