We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
