Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
