it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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