how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
