My brain says no but my pants say off.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
