I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
there was a trapeze. enough said
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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