happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
