im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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