Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
