it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
