I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
