He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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