He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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