my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Less talking, more tequila
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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