At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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