i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
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We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
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I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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