i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
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During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
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I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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