if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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