I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
