Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
