People with herpes should wear stickers.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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