I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
