In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
