All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
