your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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