I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
