I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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