i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
