So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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