i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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