He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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