His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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