Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
