I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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