I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
